good intentions

So, I finally saw a film that I have been meaning to for quite a long time. Everyone I know who has seen it has said that it is an amazing film and that I need to see it. It was written by Charlie Kaufman and directed by Michel Gondry. I am so happy that i saw it. not only is the story line so pertinent to life in general, but it was so well written and shot and directed that it sparked that desire in me again to make a film.

If you have read me in the past you may recall another film getting my creative juices flowing and making me want to create a film. The problem I ran into then was that I had no desire to create something ordinary. I don't want to make a love story, I don't want to make a comedy (mostly because I doubt my ability to be funny), as much as I love SciFi I don't desire to make anything in that genre. I tossed around the thought of a horror, but thats just not what I want.

I realized that if I am going to make a film I want it to be a genre breaker. I DO want a love story, but I don't want that to be THE story, I want some action type things, a fight, a car chase, something. I WANT something that is geeky and SciFi-esque, without being SciFi. At the same time I know for a fact that I don't want to make a movie that will be just another film. I want to make a movie that will affect people. I want those who watch it to say to themselves "wow, that was so amazing" because I want them to feel like the movie was written and created specifically for them.

I don't think this will ever happen. I am somewhat of a renaissance man in that I am a jack of all trades but a master of none. Because if my intense desire to learn I tend to absorb a lot of information about things, and then become bored with them only to move on to the next learning experience. This is why tech support suites me well, I work in an ever changing environment, I never get the chance to become bored or complacent.

Because of this fact about myself I find that a lot of the things I am interested in I am not very good at at all.

I LOVE photography, but I am really not that good at it. I lack any kind of technical proficiency at it and as such I cannot ever get the shots that I see in my minds eye.

I love music. music really is my center. I enjoy everything that is musical. Literally, I don't care what I am listening to, as long as it is music. I would love to make music. I desire deep within myself to express myself musically. I have taken this upon myself many times.

I have owned three guitars, two basses, a keyboard, a piano, and a violin. I currently own a digeridoo. I have also messed around with drums, both tribal style as well as drum kits. I sing whenever I can and sometimes I have to stop myself because I work in a call center environment. my best hope of ever doing anything musically came when I was introduced to programs like Acid, fruityloops, etc...

Then Beanbag came through in concert (I believe it was the extreme days tour.. or maybe right before the extreme days tour. I don't remember specifically because Hunz came back after they left just to see the next concert later that week.) At any rate, it was then that I met Hunz who was the front man for beanbag. He told me a lot of interesting things inthe almost two hours we talked after the concert. One thing he mentioned was a program called Buzz and about the "demo scene" I fell in love with Buzz and tried with all my heart to use it to be musical. I even created a couple tracks, I may even have them saved somewhere. But I have never really been a musician.

In all the things I have done, about the only one I have ever possessed any real talent with was mixing music. I remember the first time I saw a sound board. I had signed up for the sound ministry at church because it sounded interesting. I took one look at that ancient 32*8 tascam mixer and literally asked Dan (the head of the group) if he had a manual because I didn't think I could figure it out.

Two weeks later I found myself soloing for the first time at the second meeting of the singles group at church. I also had an ear infection that had completely deafened me in one ear and had all but deafened me in the other. I heard from Dan later that next week that he had reports that it sounded better than it had ever sounded in that church...

From that point on I have mixed sound. I have had people almost beg me to do sound for them. I have gotten offers to travel around the country doing sound for ministries. I have had a pastor who invested a LOT of money in his sound equipment tell me, after I had left that church to go back to Word of Life, that the sound system was mine if I wanted to come back.

i say all of this not to toot my own horn because it was not me who was so good at it, it was God using me that made me good. I literally worshiped behind the board. I really have a hard time worshiping when I DON'T have faders in front of me... I feel like I need to mix sound in order to worship properly. It is HOW I worship Him, by mixing the sound as good as I can possibly do so.


Wow, this has gotten way off of the original topic. I suppose that is possible with me because I tend to be pretty verbose. I don't think I will go any further, I will let you go back to something interesting rather than ramble any longer.