doko ni mo ikanaide

nanimo te ni tsuganai
shirokuru no hitomi de
watashi wa tada hitasura
ano koro no watashi wa
nani ni kandou shite
nani ni manzoku shite
jibun wo rikai shiteitano

doko ni mo ikanaide
doko ni mo ikanaide

itsuno ma nika, anata wo kizu tsukete
omoikakenai koto wo hashitteita
amaeru kiki tsuzukenuita watashi wa
kondo wa nani wo motomeru ka naa

modore no ikanaide
modore no ikanaide

Let Me In

Lying here, in this pit that life's pushed me down
I don't know, just how long I can take or when I might break
I'm in needing so someone, please show me the truth

This need is real in my soul I feel the love You shared that's why I can't say no again
My thoughts are confused for my sins Your abused
My heart it screams, to open up and let You in

In my mind, I'm still fighting to understand
Nothing's free, but what You offer me,
You give so freely, though it cost You Your life and inside, You show me the truth

This need is real in my soul I feel the love You shared that's why I can't say no again
My thoughts are confused for my sins Your abused
My heart it screams, to open up and let You in
You know I try to do it. To be a self made man

I tried to place it all upon my back again
But this crushing weight was well beneath the skin
Panicking for the light, an inner struggle I fight
But then I realized that You could be the only way

This need is real in my soul I feel the love You shared that's why I can't say no again
My thoughts are confused for my sins Your abused
My heart it screams, to open up and let You in

Let You in...

Oh cruel twist of iPodian fate!

Why doth thou tempt me? Verily I see that thin red lin in the battery shaped icon knowing that the end is nigh, yet ye tempteth me with thine most glorious music!

Seriously... the last 5 songs I have said "Okay, after this one I will plug it in to charge...."

moister than ever!

So tonight I went over to Chrystal's, er parent's house (I think thats what it was) to help wqith some computer issues and I got to meet her daughter. That girl is a cutie. She just turned 3 and she went through the same scenario as Timothy with his ears and getting tubes put in, and just like Timothy she is talkative as none other just a few months afterwards.

Apparently she doesn't like guys at all, but she was immediately smiling and talking to me and we just hit it off. She shared ice pops with me and even brought a glass of water with two straws so we could share. Just adorable... It reminded me that someday a daughter would be such a blessing...

I can't believe that I just said that...


Anyways, I enjoyed it a lot, maybe I miss my boys and that added to it, but it was honestly fun being around a child in that age. I think that is one of my favorite ages so far, where they are learning so much and talking and they are so playful!!

I think that is about all I have for this post... just thought I would share a wonderful "child" experience.


Oh yeah, the moist thing... Apparently she thought I was dry and decided to share her moisturizing lotion with me... a lot of it... I think the bottle was empty afterwards... hence, I am moister than ever before! :)

So much hurt.

Had I listened so long ago, so much hurt could be avoided today. It truly is amazing to see prophecy fulfilled.

Never believe that your actions today won't influence the future, thinking like that will end you up in a regrettable place.

I always try to live my life and accept the things I do, I try to never regret because regret doesn't get you anywhere. It is only when you face your mistakes and accept the results of them that you start to be able to move forward and overcome your mistakes.

I think it is called "learning from your mistakes"

Nailed...

I was not planning on getting online again this weekend. In fact I was planning on taking a few days off entirely, even while at work.

This morning Pastor Russ spoke about not becomming consumed with things, and that living for God is all we should be consumed with. This nailed me, straight up. I have let things consume me. Well, one thing in particular, and I let that thing take hold and begin to control me, instead of leaving everything in Gods hands.

Now, I am not the closest to God that I have ever been, this is definitely not me saying that I am so close to God right now, but for the first time in a long while I feel Him pushing on me, I feel him and hear him like I have not in a long time. I think that a long time ago I ignored Him, and that opened a door to continue ignoring Him. This has brought me to this place where I am right now.

Now, despite what some may thing or assume, I don't think I could ever walk away from God. My connection to Him is far far more than just an experience. I have literally watched Christ die for me, specifically for me. Not just some image of Jesus on the cross, but Jesus, savior of the entire world, dieing on a kitchen floor in my place, where I SHOULD have died. Because of this I have always known that God is there and God loves me. Because of this I can never turn my back on Him. I watched two men murder him, gleefully. How could one ever go through that kind of thing and not want to always be with God?

So here I am, sitting at Burger King, writing this. Hoping that my mistakes don't hurt Gods plans for my future. But inside, I know that God is not up there looking down on me as though I am some kind of disappointment. He loves me the same today as he did almost 11 years ago when I was laying on that kitchen floor bleeding to death, and He took my place. I am looking to the future without apprehension for the first time in years.


I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I am excited to see it.