Nailed...

I was not planning on getting online again this weekend. In fact I was planning on taking a few days off entirely, even while at work.

This morning Pastor Russ spoke about not becomming consumed with things, and that living for God is all we should be consumed with. This nailed me, straight up. I have let things consume me. Well, one thing in particular, and I let that thing take hold and begin to control me, instead of leaving everything in Gods hands.

Now, I am not the closest to God that I have ever been, this is definitely not me saying that I am so close to God right now, but for the first time in a long while I feel Him pushing on me, I feel him and hear him like I have not in a long time. I think that a long time ago I ignored Him, and that opened a door to continue ignoring Him. This has brought me to this place where I am right now.

Now, despite what some may thing or assume, I don't think I could ever walk away from God. My connection to Him is far far more than just an experience. I have literally watched Christ die for me, specifically for me. Not just some image of Jesus on the cross, but Jesus, savior of the entire world, dieing on a kitchen floor in my place, where I SHOULD have died. Because of this I have always known that God is there and God loves me. Because of this I can never turn my back on Him. I watched two men murder him, gleefully. How could one ever go through that kind of thing and not want to always be with God?

So here I am, sitting at Burger King, writing this. Hoping that my mistakes don't hurt Gods plans for my future. But inside, I know that God is not up there looking down on me as though I am some kind of disappointment. He loves me the same today as he did almost 11 years ago when I was laying on that kitchen floor bleeding to death, and He took my place. I am looking to the future without apprehension for the first time in years.


I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I am excited to see it.